In General:
Open body posture, hands away from face when talking, stand up straight, relax, hands apart with palms forwards or upwards
To an individual:
Let people know they matter and you enjoy being around them, develop a genuine smile, nod when they talk, briefly touch them on the upper arm, and maintain eye contact
To a group:
Be comfortable as leader, move around to appear enthusiastic, lean slightly forward and look at all parts of the group
Message:
Move beyond status quo and make a difference, be controversial, be new, be simple to understand, be counter-intuitive, be fresh
Speech:
Be clear, fluent, forceful and articulate, evoke imagery, use an upbeat tempo, occasionally slow for tension or emphasis
Tuesday, 20 October 2009
How to Feel good right now
http://www.stumbleupon.com/s/#2SdDjt/www.positivityblog.com/index.php/2009/09/29/how-to-change-how-you-feel-right-now-5-simple-tips//
1. Appreciate Everything.
A very effective way to become a more positive person and to enjoy your life more is simply to develop a habit of appreciating more.
- My food.
- The weather and sunshine we are having today.
- My health.
- Friends and family.
- My work
Try doing that for two or three minutes. Try to come up with all the things in yourself and your world that you can appreciate.
2. Change your physiology.
If you change how you move and use your body your mood will change.
If you for instance want to feel happier, force a smile for about 60 seconds. You’ll feel happier.
"Facial Feedback Theory" - This really works.
If you want to feel confident stand up and walk around for few minutes in a confident way. You’ll feel more confident.
3. Act as you’d like to feel.
Think, How would a positive and confident person do this...
Make a call or answer the phone in a positive way.
Write an email in a positive and enthusiastic manner.
Instead of thinking that a situation will probably be boring and not so beneficial think of it as something that will be exciting, fun and useful.
You start by acting as you would in a situation if you were in a positive mood. And then you’ll create a positive mood and positive consequences in the world around you and within yourself.
4. Ask the right questions.
If you are asking yourself disempowering questions like: “Why did this happen to me? “, “How can get out of doing this?” and “What are all the awful things about this?” then of course you are going to feel lousy and get very little done.
You become empowered if you start asking your self positive questions
instead of getting stuck in victim thinking.
A few good questions are:
“What is awesome about this situation?”
“Will this matter 5 years from now?”
“What is the opportunity hidden within this situation?”
5. List & Recall your positive experiences and memories.
It’s easy to be overcome by negative internal chatter.
Nonsense like: “I can’t do this, what if they think I’m incompetent, I’m gonna fail, I’m gonna fail and this why did I take this shirt, it’s so ugly”. And so on.
When preparing for a meeting, a job interview, a presentation or anything that makes you really nervous recall your positive memories from similar experiences.
Think back to when you were funny and charming.
Remember the times when you were confident and relaxed during previous meetings and interviews.
Let a few of your best memories wash over you.
Let them comfort you and help you realize that you have been here before and things went well during those situations in the past.
Doing so helps you remember the positive and wonderful sides of yourself. The qualities and your inner possibilities that are always there.
You can also use this tip to remember how you felt when you felt confident in the past. How you moved, what you said.
1. Appreciate Everything.
A very effective way to become a more positive person and to enjoy your life more is simply to develop a habit of appreciating more.
- My food.
- The weather and sunshine we are having today.
- My health.
- Friends and family.
- My work
Try doing that for two or three minutes. Try to come up with all the things in yourself and your world that you can appreciate.
2. Change your physiology.
If you change how you move and use your body your mood will change.
If you for instance want to feel happier, force a smile for about 60 seconds. You’ll feel happier.
"Facial Feedback Theory" - This really works.
If you want to feel confident stand up and walk around for few minutes in a confident way. You’ll feel more confident.
3. Act as you’d like to feel.
Think, How would a positive and confident person do this...
Make a call or answer the phone in a positive way.
Write an email in a positive and enthusiastic manner.
Instead of thinking that a situation will probably be boring and not so beneficial think of it as something that will be exciting, fun and useful.
You start by acting as you would in a situation if you were in a positive mood. And then you’ll create a positive mood and positive consequences in the world around you and within yourself.
4. Ask the right questions.
If you are asking yourself disempowering questions like: “Why did this happen to me? “, “How can get out of doing this?” and “What are all the awful things about this?” then of course you are going to feel lousy and get very little done.
You become empowered if you start asking your self positive questions
instead of getting stuck in victim thinking.
A few good questions are:
“What is awesome about this situation?”
“Will this matter 5 years from now?”
“What is the opportunity hidden within this situation?”
5. List & Recall your positive experiences and memories.
It’s easy to be overcome by negative internal chatter.
Nonsense like: “I can’t do this, what if they think I’m incompetent, I’m gonna fail, I’m gonna fail and this why did I take this shirt, it’s so ugly”. And so on.
When preparing for a meeting, a job interview, a presentation or anything that makes you really nervous recall your positive memories from similar experiences.
Think back to when you were funny and charming.
Remember the times when you were confident and relaxed during previous meetings and interviews.
Let a few of your best memories wash over you.
Let them comfort you and help you realize that you have been here before and things went well during those situations in the past.
Doing so helps you remember the positive and wonderful sides of yourself. The qualities and your inner possibilities that are always there.
You can also use this tip to remember how you felt when you felt confident in the past. How you moved, what you said.
Keys methods to improve your body language
http://www.positivityblog.com/index.php/2006/10/27/18-ways-to-improve-your-body-language/
Be aware of your body language -
First, to change your body language you must be aware of your body language.
Notice how you sit, how you stand, how you use you hands and legs, what you do while talking to someone.
Practice with the mirror -
Yeah, it might seem silly but no one is watching you. This will give you good feedback on how you look to other people.
Practice in your mind -
Close your eyes and visualise how you would stand and sit to feel confident, open and relaxed or whatever you want to communicate. See yourself move like that version of yourself. Then try it out.
Mimic the best -
You might also want observe friends, role models, movie stars or other people you think have good body language. Observe what they do and you don’t.
- Obama, Clinton, Jamie Fox, Martin Luther King, Blair
Act how you want to feel -
Feelings work backwards. If you smile a bit more you will feel happier. If you sit up straight you will feel more energetic and in control. If you slow down your movements you’ll feel calmer. Your feelings will actually reinforce your new behaviours.
Don’t cross –
you shouldn’t cross your arms as it might make you seem defensive or guarded. Keep your arms and legs open.
Have eye contact, but don’t stare –
If there are several people you are talking to, give them all some eye contact to create a better connection and see if they are listening. Keeping too much eye-contact might creep people out. Giving no eye-contact might make you seem insecure.
Don’t be afraid to take up some space –
by for example sitting or standing with your legs apart a bit signals self-confidence and that you are comfortable in your own skin.
Relax your shoulders –
When you feel tense it easily winds up as tension in your shoulders. Try to loosen up by shaking the shoulders a bit and move them back slightly. Move your shoulders back to push out your chest.
Nod when they are talking
– nod once in a while to signal that you are listening. But don’t overdo it and peck like Woody Woodpecker.
Don’t slouch, sit up straight
– but in a relaxed way, not in a too tense manner.
Lean, but not too much –
If you want to show that you are interested in what someone is saying, lean toward the person talking. If you want to show that you’re confident in yourself and relaxed lean back a bit.
But don’t lean in too much or you might seem needy and desperate for some approval. Or lean back too much or you might seem arrogant and distant.
Smile and laugh –
lighten up, don’t take yourself too seriously. People will be a lot more inclined to listen to you if you seem to be a positive person. But don’t be the first to laugh at your own jokes, it makes you seem nervous and needy.
Smile when you are introduced to someone but don’t keep a smile plastered on your face, you’ll seem insincere.
Don’t touch your face –
it might make you seem nervous and can be distracting for the listeners or the people in the conversation.
Keep your head up –
Don’t keep your eyes on the ground, it might make you seem insecure and a bit lost. Keep your head up straight and your eyes towards the horizon.
Keep your chin raised. Walk as if you are wearing a crown.
Keep your stomach in -
Keep your stomach tense, breath from your stomach and speak from your belly.
Slow down to illustrate calm –
Slower hand gestures not only makes you seem more calm and confident, it will also make you feel less stressed.
If someone addresses you, don’t snap you’re neck in their direction, turn it a bit more slowly instead.
When speaking, speak with pauses to create anticipation, grip the audience and take control.
Don’t fidget –
Try to avoid, phase out or transform fidgety movement and nervous ticks such as shaking your leg or tapping your fingers against the table rapidly. You’ll seem nervous and fidgeting can be a distracting when you try to get something across.
Try to relax, slow down and focus your movements.
Use your hands more confidently –
instead of fidgeting with your hands and scratching your face use them to communicate what you are trying to say.
Use your hands to describe something or to add weight to a point you are trying to make.
But don’t use them to much or it might become distracting.
Don't let your hands flail around, use them with some control.
Lower your drink –
don’t hold your drink in front of your chest. In fact, don’t hold anything in front of your heart as it will make you seem guarded and distant. Lower it and hold it beside your leg instead.
Realise where you spine ends –
Avoid the Montgomery Burns-pose. Your spine ends in the back of your head. Keep you whole spine straight and aligned for better posture.
Don’t stand too close –
one of the things we learned from Seinfeld is that everybody gets weirded out by a close-talker. Let people have their personal space, don’t invade it.
Mirror –
Often when you get along with a person, when the two of you get a good connection, you will start to mirror each other unconsciously. That means that you mirror the other person’s body language a bit. To make the connection better you can try a bit of proactive mirroring. If he leans forward, you might lean forward. If she holds her hands on her thighs, you might do the same. But don’t react instantly and don’t mirror every change in body language.
Keep a good attitude –
last but not least, keep a positive, open and relaxed attitude. How you feel will come through in your body language and can make a major difference.
Be aware of your body language -
First, to change your body language you must be aware of your body language.
Notice how you sit, how you stand, how you use you hands and legs, what you do while talking to someone.
Practice with the mirror -
Yeah, it might seem silly but no one is watching you. This will give you good feedback on how you look to other people.
Practice in your mind -
Close your eyes and visualise how you would stand and sit to feel confident, open and relaxed or whatever you want to communicate. See yourself move like that version of yourself. Then try it out.
Mimic the best -
You might also want observe friends, role models, movie stars or other people you think have good body language. Observe what they do and you don’t.
- Obama, Clinton, Jamie Fox, Martin Luther King, Blair
Act how you want to feel -
Feelings work backwards. If you smile a bit more you will feel happier. If you sit up straight you will feel more energetic and in control. If you slow down your movements you’ll feel calmer. Your feelings will actually reinforce your new behaviours.
Don’t cross –
you shouldn’t cross your arms as it might make you seem defensive or guarded. Keep your arms and legs open.
Have eye contact, but don’t stare –
If there are several people you are talking to, give them all some eye contact to create a better connection and see if they are listening. Keeping too much eye-contact might creep people out. Giving no eye-contact might make you seem insecure.
Don’t be afraid to take up some space –
by for example sitting or standing with your legs apart a bit signals self-confidence and that you are comfortable in your own skin.
Relax your shoulders –
When you feel tense it easily winds up as tension in your shoulders. Try to loosen up by shaking the shoulders a bit and move them back slightly. Move your shoulders back to push out your chest.
Nod when they are talking
– nod once in a while to signal that you are listening. But don’t overdo it and peck like Woody Woodpecker.
Don’t slouch, sit up straight
– but in a relaxed way, not in a too tense manner.
Lean, but not too much –
If you want to show that you are interested in what someone is saying, lean toward the person talking. If you want to show that you’re confident in yourself and relaxed lean back a bit.
But don’t lean in too much or you might seem needy and desperate for some approval. Or lean back too much or you might seem arrogant and distant.
Smile and laugh –
lighten up, don’t take yourself too seriously. People will be a lot more inclined to listen to you if you seem to be a positive person. But don’t be the first to laugh at your own jokes, it makes you seem nervous and needy.
Smile when you are introduced to someone but don’t keep a smile plastered on your face, you’ll seem insincere.
Don’t touch your face –
it might make you seem nervous and can be distracting for the listeners or the people in the conversation.
Keep your head up –
Don’t keep your eyes on the ground, it might make you seem insecure and a bit lost. Keep your head up straight and your eyes towards the horizon.
Keep your chin raised. Walk as if you are wearing a crown.
Keep your stomach in -
Keep your stomach tense, breath from your stomach and speak from your belly.
Slow down to illustrate calm –
Slower hand gestures not only makes you seem more calm and confident, it will also make you feel less stressed.
If someone addresses you, don’t snap you’re neck in their direction, turn it a bit more slowly instead.
When speaking, speak with pauses to create anticipation, grip the audience and take control.
Don’t fidget –
Try to avoid, phase out or transform fidgety movement and nervous ticks such as shaking your leg or tapping your fingers against the table rapidly. You’ll seem nervous and fidgeting can be a distracting when you try to get something across.
Try to relax, slow down and focus your movements.
Use your hands more confidently –
instead of fidgeting with your hands and scratching your face use them to communicate what you are trying to say.
Use your hands to describe something or to add weight to a point you are trying to make.
But don’t use them to much or it might become distracting.
Don't let your hands flail around, use them with some control.
Lower your drink –
don’t hold your drink in front of your chest. In fact, don’t hold anything in front of your heart as it will make you seem guarded and distant. Lower it and hold it beside your leg instead.
Realise where you spine ends –
Avoid the Montgomery Burns-pose. Your spine ends in the back of your head. Keep you whole spine straight and aligned for better posture.
Don’t stand too close –
one of the things we learned from Seinfeld is that everybody gets weirded out by a close-talker. Let people have their personal space, don’t invade it.
Mirror –
Often when you get along with a person, when the two of you get a good connection, you will start to mirror each other unconsciously. That means that you mirror the other person’s body language a bit. To make the connection better you can try a bit of proactive mirroring. If he leans forward, you might lean forward. If she holds her hands on her thighs, you might do the same. But don’t react instantly and don’t mirror every change in body language.
Keep a good attitude –
last but not least, keep a positive, open and relaxed attitude. How you feel will come through in your body language and can make a major difference.
Why improve your body language?
http://www.positivityblog.com/index.php/2006/10/27/18-ways-to-improve-your-body-language/
WHY?
Increase your attractiveness -
A better posture, a more open body language, a more controlled and focused body language will make everyone more attractive - relationship, job, friends.
Reduce Mixed Messages -
What you want is be congruent, that is for your words, your voice and your body language to say the same thing.
Emotions are linked to your body language -
Emotions work backwards too. If you feel good you’ll smile. If you force yourself to smile you’ll feel good too.
If you feel tired or down you might sit slumped down. If you sit slumped down you’ll feel more tired and negative.
Improve your communication skills -
If you improve your body language you can get your thoughts across in a more effective way. You can create a connection to another person more easily.
Better first impressions -
Having a better body language will consistently give people a more positive mental snapshot of you.
WHY?
Increase your attractiveness -
A better posture, a more open body language, a more controlled and focused body language will make everyone more attractive - relationship, job, friends.
Reduce Mixed Messages -
What you want is be congruent, that is for your words, your voice and your body language to say the same thing.
Emotions are linked to your body language -
Emotions work backwards too. If you feel good you’ll smile. If you force yourself to smile you’ll feel good too.
If you feel tired or down you might sit slumped down. If you sit slumped down you’ll feel more tired and negative.
Improve your communication skills -
If you improve your body language you can get your thoughts across in a more effective way. You can create a connection to another person more easily.
Better first impressions -
Having a better body language will consistently give people a more positive mental snapshot of you.
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